kozaru

A guide for everyone else.

After a recent movie day, and re-experience the wonder that is other people in public, I thought I’d compile this short list about actions that are apparently perfectly acceptable to take.

1. Bring a small child
It is perfectly acceptable to bring a small child to an M rated movie cos, well, you’re accompanying it, aren’t you? Bring them from home, borrow one, I think they sell them at the snack bar now.
Never mind the child understands nothing if it isn’t presented to it by The Wiggles and is followed up with a song about it that they happen to know. Constant “What does that mean? Who is that? Where’s the popcorn? Lalalalalala? Is that blood? Why is the man sitting next to me looking at me and growling?” is fine.

2. Loudly tell your child to shut up
No really, it helps, honest.

3. Slurp your drink
Specifically the ice in it. Cinema ice melts at the rate of 10mls every 2.3 minutes. I counted.

4. Buy wedges from the snack bar
This is a new innovation for local cinemas, hot food from the snack bar. This causes other cinema goers to salivate and their stomachs to grumble from the smell of tasty tasty potato wedges and sour cream. This helps to enhance your cinema experience.

5. After eating the wedges, loudly brush your hands together until clean
No matter how long it takes. 30, 40 times is normal.

6. Get up and leave, then come back
Some people think that holding in your pee for approximately 1 hour (half the movie) is dangerous and beyond the toileting skills of a grown person. It’s better to simply walk the width of the aisle to go pee.
Bringing back hot food is optional, but encouraged.

7. Cough and Sneeze. A lot.
There is no better place to rest and recuperate from a cold than an enclosed room with recirculated air and 150 other people in close proximity.

8. Allocated seating is optional, especially if you are between the ages of 12 and 18.
Furthermore, question my ability to read the ticket when I call you on it.

9. Mobile phone usage is encouraged.
Just go right ahead and tell Bob about that disease you have.

*sigh*

Nothing new, I know, but almost all of these things happened on movie day. Tell me your best bad movie experience in the comments.